Healthy Place: Maintaining Long Distance Relationships

Healthy Place - America's Mental Health Channel: Maintaining Long Distance Relationships

Written By Bobby Kuechenmeister

Nov 03 2008 - 4 Pages

Being separated from a partner can put enormous stress on a relationship. Here are problems associated with maintaining long-distance relationships and some solutions.

http://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/healthy-relationships/maintaining-long-distance-relationships/menu-id-1618/

Even though our seperation is neither due to work nor study experience abroad this is an interesting article that also deals with the "common emotions he or she needs to work through, including: loneliness, depression, anxiety, and jealousy." Recommended!

Stay safe & healthy!

It was hard to move away from Sam after living with him for 14 years. Although we see each other every month, it is still difficult to maintain a long distance relationship. We email / talk everyday. We share our sorrow and joy. We try to support each other emotionally as much as possible.

These past few months have been very rough with both of us going through bouts of depression. Sometimes all this seems unbearable. I have a circle of friends here who take my mind off my problems. But sometimes loneliness gets to me.

I hope this separation ends soon.

varun, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. 14 years together and now this - I am feeling for you. Please don't give up - this can't go on forever. We mustn't let it defeat us and really need to step it up a gear or two (or three or four) and make our case known. And take it from there.

Yes, maintaining a long-distance relationship is very stressful; what seems to work one day just doesn't the next. It is an emotional roller coaster. I, for one, am feeling different now that winter has set in where I'm living. As I am writing this there is a snow storm out there that prevents me from going out, it get's dark around 5pm. It's cold and nasty. Summer weather, being able to exercise outside, if only walk the streets with the sun on your face and your favourite album playing on your I-Pod, made it all seem a little more bearable.

But, there are things to help you feel better. I want to start collecting ideas & suggestions as for what brings relief and takes the mind off, at least temporarily, our situation. I promise there will be a new posting soon - and I hope you will all share your thoughts re: whatever works...

Anna

Let me tell my little story here.
Eric and I have been together now going on 8 to 9 years. Wow how time fly’s when you are happy and everything was going our way. My husband moved up here from the Deep South to finish up his college and to move in with me. that day when we went out to lunch he found out that his bank account was empty, so after calling the Gulfport police department who wouldn't take the report of missing checks(stolen), and a missing passport,i-20,and student visa I had to get on the phone and raise all kinds of hell before they tock it.
His new college wouldn't let him start class's until he had a new passport, so he filed for a new one and waited it tock 12 months to have it replaced, then anther 3 months to get back into class. Everything was going great he finished up his first degree and 3/4 of the way throw his second one he applied to anther college who wanted a student visa. Called the embassy in Malay. and they said no problem they would grant him anther one. Ok, back home the embassy turned him down because he was out of status for 15 months. I got the white house, Hilary do nothing Clinton, and jack ass peter kings office into it, and the embassy turned around and marked him as a 214B.
Well the Canadians tock him and he had a student visa with in 48 hours where he has been every since. We got married last April and it was awesome!

How do we keep this going simple, we love each other and that’s the first test to see if you are going to be with you partner for life. The next is none stop phone calls and text messages all day long. Along with that it’s the video phone calls. And along with that I visit him three times a year for a week or two. I bet we talk more now then we every did. I worked two jobs he went to school, and worked to. Also we both know that we will be living together one day either in this country or Canada.

Don’t get me wrong it’s really hard, it’s really hard but it can be done.

My partner Martin and I have been together since August of 2008. We are still "in the fresh bloom of love" so I think that sometimes makes it easier -- not easy, just easier -- to endure our current separation. We were together once for nine weeks, separated for six weeks then back together for six months. We are praying he will be able to return in January 2009; we fear attempting his return before that ("Too many days in one calendar year away from his 'home' country.")

Here's where the luck comes in: Martin currently lives with his family, so he is safe, surrounded by people he loves and that love him back. We are also fortunate that we are able to talk virtually every morning and every night -- and often text over the course of the day. Technology is a blessing. Thank God/dess for Yahoo Messenger (I hear SKYPE is great as well!) I am completely aware that Martin and I are indeed fortunate -- he is safe and loved, and we are blessed with devices that let us all but touch each other, almost every day. I know that not every couple has these luxuries so, whenever I get angry at the Universe, I stop and remind myself that things could be much worse...

I guess we just make it our Number One priority to be together as much as we can while we are apart. We are separated by six time zones, so that means sometimes I wake up at 4AM to tell him to have a good day, and sometimes he stays up till 2AM, so we can chat for a few minutes when I get home from work. We also exchange cards and letters regularly, and have kept every one, in part because we love them and in part because, when the time comes, those postmarks will help us document the length of time we have been committed to each other. (Granted, I never want Martin to get caught with any of these cards as he crosses the border into America, but that is the topic for another post, another time.) I have willingly sacrificed dinner out with friends and other events, just so we can rendezvous at our appointed time. It really has been little sacrifice -- my guy is my whole world, so missing an order of potato skins with friends on Saturday night isn't much to give up when I have a chance to see my partner's smiling face.

For those not as fortunate as we, I would encourage you to remain as optimistic as possible, and sieze every moment you can be together. Make rituals to share, that help bring you close. My partner and I plan on reading the same book at once, so we can share that experience. Soon we hope to see the same movie on the same day, so we can talk about it with each other. I know these are small gifts compared to falling asleep with/waking up beside your one and only love but we must hang on, we must persevere. I really do feel change is coming.

Reform is imminent. Hold your love tight in your heart. Let it fuel your conviction to fight for reform. Now is our time. Now is our chance. Soon I feel we will all be together...